Code In.

Dig the hole
Lie inside
Follow the song of the reed
Get sucked in
Nothing means a thing to me
No, nothing means a thing to me
Three pounds of loving in my skull
Swirl around and float downstream
Rapt in cosmic reverie
Nothing means a thing to me

Anything else would be so boring
Anyone else would be so boring

HOW TO SOUND SOPHISTICATED

Follow these simple steps and you'll be a PHD holder in no time!

1. Remember this golden rule:

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.

English translation: Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.

Pack your essays and speech with latin terminology and sound smart!

e.g. "ceteris paribus", "per se", "et cetera", "et al", "vis a vis".


2. Words ending with "-tion" make your sentences sound cheem.

e.g.

"We need to promote intellectual stimulation and a culture of rigid documentation within our community."

"His disposition towards laziness placed him in a position of contempt towards assimilation into mainstream society."

"The modification of political constructs such as citizenship and statehood has caused a paradigm shift in academic orientation within the discipline."


Hope this helps! Results not guaranteed.

HUMOUR: The Love Chemical inducer

I took a biological science course called "Evolution" at school last semester. It was very interesting. Amongst the topics covered, was sexual selection in the animal kingdom. About how the female of each species select their mating partners. Seemingly, there are criterias which females in the animal kingdom look out for in males before allowing them to father her children. Attributes like hunting skills, nest building skills, strength and health. They take this precaution not only to ensure the presence of a healthy mate to protect her and her children during the period of nesting, but also to ensure that her offsprings will inherit good characteristics which will increase their ability to survive in the world.

Well have you heard about how women are attracted to men who can make them laugh? Apparentlly, there is an inherently biological explanation to that. Studies have shown that women are subconciously attracted to males who can make them laugh. It seems that the ability to spark off laughs is one of the characteristics that human females look out for in selecting mates. Females seem to unconciously rationalise that the ability to be funny is an indication of intelligence. And as much as how women want their children to turn out beautiful, they also want their kids to turn out smart. Hence, the cliche, "I want a man who can make me laugh".

And I'm not making this up just because I can crack a joke or two occassionaly. I learnt it all in school. Honest.

PROSE ANALYSIS

Indulge with us in this exercise as we attempt to decipher the structural, contextual and symbolic meanings contained within given sentences.

Given this series' debut, we have a special treat for all you linguistics fanatics reading! There will be an analysis of TWO sentences in this entry!

1. The first sentence is lifted from the lyrics to the song "One Slip" by psychedelic icons Pink Floyd:

"Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love"

INTERPRETATION: Dave Gilmour addresses the age-old conundrum that baffled the ancients and continues to confound us - "what is love?". How often times have you been convinced of being deeply in love only to look back in retrospect and realize that there was more inspiration in the moo of a cow than in the passion that existed between you and the other person? The intangible nature of love guarantees its perpetual elusiveness, steering it away from the corridors of human reason and rationale. Is it cosmic? Is it psychological? Is it chemical? How do you tell if you're in love?
The use of past tense ("was") is a direct indication that the pondering was done in retrospect. A verbal recitation of the sentence will show it to consist of five iambic feet, hence making it an iambic pentameter. The enjambment effect creates a mood of ponderance, and even regret.

2. The second sentence to be analysed is an adaptation of the first:

"Was it sex, or was it the idea of having sex?"

INTERPRETATION: Masturbation.

Peak of Paranoia

sometimes at night i stare
not into empty space
not into nothingness
but into something
what i cannot tell
but often time i wonder
if i'm staring at impending tragedy
and impending tragedy is staring back at me
seeking recompense
seeking penance

at the arc of the bridge he waits for me
with a gun and a pack of cigarettes.

TRUE LOVE

They walked through the woods bare feet, picking wild daffodils along the way. He stops with a start and holds her back for a pause. He gazes at her as gently as a breeze blowing beneath the petals of a lily. Her hair flowed smoothly over her satin dress, over her healthy breasts; the sides of her glorious mane tucked over her ears like silk threads over a wooden spool. He runs his fingers smoothly over her soft rosy cheeks and whispered,

"Darling princess,"

"Yes, dear?"

"I'd love to fuck you".

Dr Crackpot: Theories of the Bizarre Kind.


Pockets.

I never knew the value of pockets until I left my house one evening for the nearby market. As I anticipated it to be a short trip out, I found no incentive to change from my home attire, that is, my sarong and t-shirt. I would soon find this out to be a terrible, terrible mistake.

I found myself struggling to open the house door to let myself out because my hands were full with my wallet, hand phone, keys, Marlboro hard pack and lighter; all because my sarong had no pockets. Unwittingly handicapped, I struggled with the knob for a bit before managing to execute a maneuver worthy of a circus encore and somehow succeeded in turning the knob and letting myself out. As I walked to the market, I started thinking.

What if man never put pockets in pants and skirts (and whatever other variations of covering we put on under our waist lines these days). What if the concept of having these compartments where we can keep objects never occurred to human beings?

The answer is rather elementary. If we never invented pockets, the momentum would be for the human race to remain static and stay in the Stone Age. You see, without pockets in our pants or in those days, loincloth, humans would find it a hassle to travel around and seek new pastures because, as I found out rather painfully the other day during my short excursion to the market, traveling is very tedious without pockets. They would remain static in their own enclaves, giving rise to isolated pockets (excuse the pun) of settlements with little, if any contact between each other. The germ of civilization would have never been planted. There would also have been little initiative to invent new tools and gadgets, given that such inventions would have little appeal to our nomadic ancestors, as carrying them would impede their mobility.

So do appreciate pockets more. Think about the pivotal role it played in the advance of the human race. Hail to the inventor of pockets, whoever you are!

However, through empirical observations, I find that men utilize and appreciate pockets more than women. Men will stuff anything and everything in their pants pockets. Women, on the other hand, have a more brilliant idea. Handbags. But why exert weight on one wrist when you can distribute it across both thighs and both bum cheeks (and for owners of cargo pants, both deltoids as well)? Functionality is not much of a priority for the ladies, is it?

Then again, perhaps this issue is purely an egoistical one. Men find it more fulfilling and validating to have bulges in their pants more than women.

You heard it first from here.

The Yuppie

the yuppie
intimidates you
with his fake accent
and subtle cologne
kicking squealing gucci little piggy

when i am king you will be first against the wall




*last two lines borrowed from the words of "paranoid android"

ML1101: Introduction to Malay Street Language.

In a bid to foster national integration, I have decided to do my part by compiling this series of words that constitutively, though not exhaustively, makes up Malay street language. Though I have never professed to being an authority on Malay street argot myself, it is hoped that this series would help non-Malay readers be better equipped to understand the lingo. Love thy countryman by understanding him.

The first installation to this series is the word:

Rilek: Spelling and prounounciation alteration of the English word "Relax". Shares the same literal meaning as its English language counterpart. Sometimes used with the omission of the first consonant, i.e. "ilek".
One of the most commonly used and celebrated terms in Malay street language, perhaps reflective of the community's general psyche. This point of contention can be viewed both negatively and positively. Negatively, it can be seen as reflective of the community's disposition to laziness and complacency. However, viewed positively, it can be used to imply that the community still hasn't lost the ability to chill, sit back and reflect on things, a lost art in this fast-paced modern world.
Instead of connoting indolence, it can reflect resilience.

Rilek can be used in different contexts, namely:

- Rilek, lah: (Chill, lah). Said out with a sinosoudal drawl.

A rejoinder to kiasu-ism and kancheong-ness. e.g.

X: Eh faster, leh! No time already!

Y: Rilek, lah!

- Or, to diffuse a tense situation. e.g.

A: (Angrily) What do you mean, I have a two-inch penis?

B: Rilek, lah! I was only joking!

Rilek, aje: (Can like that, huh?)

- To point out an absurd thing or situation. e.g.

Subject X sees a mat rock climbing over the gate to gain free entrance to a Deep Purple concert.

X: Eh, rilek, aje...

Rilek, sua: (Fuck off, or Bugger off, or Go and die).

- To tell someone off when he says something absurd or boastful. e.g.

X: I can get that girl any time I want.

Y: Lu Rilek, sua!

- To turn down a request. e.g.

X: My good man, would you please be a darling and
order me a cup of English marmalade tea on your
way back from the gents?

Y: Rilek, sua!



This concludes the first installation. Do look out for future entries in this series.


Up the Malays!
Godspeed all of you, children of my ancient mother!

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